Actually It's You Who Would Do That

This morning he emailed me to say that he'd called our youngest son's advisor at school about some comments a teacher made on his report card. He didn't tell me what the advisor said (which of course I DID want to know) but said that if he had misspelled the advisor's name in his email to me (which he did) for me not to correct him.
This is pretty funny coming from someone who always has to let me know if I ever make a mistake in anything that I say or write. It's like a compulsion with him - a need to not only be right, but to make sure that I KNOW that he's right.
I on the other hand, rarely tell him when he's made a mistake although I will admit that I do sometimes check on his facts. But it's enough for me to know that I'm right and I don't feel the need to tell him.

Why Don't You Ask Me?

Why doesn't he ask me why I don't put milk in the back right corner of the refrigerator (it freezes) instead of moving it back there after I move it away.
Why doesn't he ask me why I keep the coffee maker to the left of the outlet (so I can reach the switch for the garbage disposal) instead of moving the coffee maker back every time I move it.

Why Do You Assume I Don't Mean It?

When I set aside the everyday section of the newspaper so that I could do the crossword puzzle later, why did you put it in the recycling bin? Did you think I didn't really mean to save it? When you returned the roll of gift wrap to the basement that I had on the counter to wrap a gift that was sitting right there, did you think I was finished with it? When you threw out the washed aluminum cans I'd been saving for the story time craft project did you think I'd set them on the windowsill accidentally? Do you think I like the timer stuck to the wall if every time you put it up there I take it off? Why do you assume that I'm not doing these things on purpose?

Where's Yours? Where's Mine?

He wandered into the kitchen the other morning as I made scrambled eggs and cinnamon rolls for myself and the boys. He sniffed the rolls and asked, "where's mine?" I answered that his were sitting right next to the last meal he made for me. Oh wait! That's right! He's never made anything for me. Meal after meal, month after month, year after year... I've made meals for the two of us, then for all of us, but never just for myself. He honestly thinks that if he makes a meal for just himself he's somehow doing ME a favor. He's never once offered to get me something when he gets something for himself, like a snack or dessert. He's never even made me a cup of coffee. Heck, he wouldn't even know what I put IN my coffee.

If Only It Were True

On Facebook, he has posted that his hobby is doing my bidding. He has never in his life done my bidding and it irritates me that he wants people to believe that he does. Actually it irritates me that he has enough time in his work day to sit at the computer and post drivel about his life on Facebook. It annoys me enough that I've never acknowledged his request to publish that we're married.

And He Wonders Why We Never Ask for His Help!

When my 12 year old son realized he came home from school without his math book yesterday, he wouldn't ask his dad to take him back to school to get the book. He waited until I got home and we went over there but the doors were locked. I asked him what he would do and he said he'd get up early and do his homework before school. When we came home his dad asked where we'd gone and he explained about the book. He then got a lecture about how he should do his homework right when he gets home so then he'll know if he's missing something. And then there was the lecture about being responsible and making sure that he brings everything home that he needs. And then there was the lecture about making sure he gets up early enough to get to school to get it done. I think there was another lecture after that but I'd stopped listening.

Just Fold It Dammit!

In our food pantry are many many boxes of cereal. He wonders why we have so many boxes - it's because so many of them have become stale or soggy because he's apparently incapable of doing a simple thing: folding over the bag inside the box. Just fold over the top! It's not so hard!

Hope You Never Lose Anything Over Here

The man needs a hobby. Other than annoying me. At work yesterday for 9 hours only to come home to my whole kitchen rearranged. Every pantry shelf had the food changed, the desk had all the papers moved and reorganized, the refrigerator had everything moved around... the shelves in the family room had been filled with stuff that doesn't go there, but he decided to just move things. The great part is that after he moves everything he can't remember where he's put anything. So if you ask him where something is that he most likely moved or put away recently he can't tell you. Of course YOU knew where it was before he moved it, but now it's lost. But wait - the best part is that it's YOUR fault! He will tell you that if only you'd put your things away where they were supposed to be he wouldn't have moved them or put them somewhere else. There's such a lecture involved in trying to get his help to find something that the kids hate to ask him to help find anything. Tonight my youngest son couldn't find his band instrument bag and a great search ensued. While searching there was interrogation - what's in the bag (shouldn't he know by now?), where was it last seen, how long has it been missing, what's he been doing in band without it? My son is learning the hard way - don't mention something's missing when Dad's around.

Where is Everything?

Every time I leave the house, he rearranges my things. I'll admit I leave too many things out in too many places, but there's a lot of stuff lying around and he only seems to concern himself with moving my stuff. He doesn't actually change the big picture in terms of stuff lying around, he just rearranges my piles of papers, magazines, saved things.
He also likes to rearrange the food in the refrigerator, lining up the milk bottles and such. If he has a hard time finding something in there, it's because it's not organized properly.
Yesterday he decided to move things around on the shelves in the pantry closet. Once again it was because he couldn't find something so he thought it all needed to be reorganized. Never mind that he doesn't cook, he doesn't shop and he doesn't really NEED to know where anything is, but I apparently don't put things on the shelves in an organized way so he needed to change things around.

Sounds I'd Like to Silence

I'll admit that sometimes I talk to myself. But never when anyone else is around. He, on the other hand, talks to himself constantly, to the point that I want to talk too, but what I want to say is SHUT UP! He talks to himself while doing the word puzzles in the paper in the morning, saying the questions and the answers out loud. He talks while watching television, and not like normal people who yell go team or whatever, but giving commentary during sports and answering the questions on quiz shows (I guess so we'll know how smart he is) or just making general comments about whatever's on to no one in particular. He walks around the house making sighing noises (what do those mean?) and occasionally utters an "okay" as if he's going down some mental checklist. The sounds don't stop when he gets in the car, either. If the radio's on, he starts tapping his fingers or whistling or humming along. I quickly turn the station to country where he's less likely to know the tune.

Get a Load of This

Why can't he properly load the the dishwasher? He randomly places thing rather than grouping like things together. He spreads them all out so it seems to be full when it's really not and then he runs it without it being full. He also chooses to run it at the worst times - usually right before or during a meal so that dirty dishes can't be put in it and pile up in the sink. I've asked him not to do dishes at all but he either thinks he's being helpful or he's showing me that he really knows the right way to do them.

The Grinch Yet Lives - and in My House!

I went to the living room to retrieve my Christmas presents the other day. They were gone! I searched throughout the house to see where he might have put them, thinking he'd just tired of them being in the living room and had put them away, which is something he routinely does if I leave things out past his expiration date. I couldn't find them anywhere so I was finally forced to ask him where they were. He'd returned them all to cash them in for the computer that he'd also bought me for Christmas. I was shocked. It's not like I was all that crazy about the other gifts - some pajamas, a steam cleaner... I can't remember even if there was anything else - but it was the IDEA that he'd just reclaim those gifts and return them without even consulting me. I thought maybe he hadn't really planned to get me the new computer and it came up last minute in consult with my oldest son, so I asked him and he said no - they'd discussed it before Christmas. So I must conclude that it was just another weird affliction caused by the Y chromosome that makes him think that something like that is ok to do.

Why Oh Y oh Y? Day 1

Why is that he feels like he can come home, walk into the living room where we are already watching television, and just change the channel to something that he wants to watch? Like football. Even when he doesn't really like football, or hardly ever watch it, but he wants to pretend to the guys in the office that he follows it. And even though we have 4 other televisions in the house. Of course the one we're watching is the best one. Is it the Y chromosome that makes him think he has this right?